Let me ask you the questions that I ask executives who attend my EQ workshops:
“When you were in school . . .
. . . did you take English?”
. . . did you take math?” 
. . . did you take science?”
. . . did you take history?”
Executives answer “Yes” to each question. I’m pretty sure you did too. At some point, the people who designed our educational systems decided that studying those disciplines would help prepare people to take a responsible place in our society.
Then I ask those same executives, “When you were in school, did you take empathy?”
No one ever answers yes. Apparently, the people who first designed our educational systems did not see the benefit of studying EQ skills in preparing people to take a responsible place in our society.
My Mistake: I didn’t ask the people of Denmark. Since 1993, their school systems have included classes in which they teach empathy and other EQ skills. These classes are as mandatory as math and history. They are designed to help children learn about their own feelings and those of others. In addition, children learn ways to resolve, in a peaceful manner, the conflicts that naturally occur in human life. This helps them build a 
supportive community.
Results: People in Denmark believe that EQ training has lowered the rates of bullying in their country. How? It is hard to give yourself permission to bully someone with whom you have established an emotional bond. Not only did bullying go way down, children now build stronger relationships among themselves and with their teachers. That makes sense, because relationships are built on the exchange of relevant emotional information. When we are vulnerable enough with someone to share what we are feeling in a constructive way, a bond is formed or strengthened.
Denmark is consistently ranked in the top three countries for happiness. Think about that for a minute. Much of the time, the weather in Denmark is gloomy. Yet the people who live there are happy. Perhaps truly connecting with someone creates happiness. We are social beings, after all.
What about the U.S.? By contrast, the 2025 Happiness Index found that the United States ranks 24th. We are the richest country in the world. The most powerful. And most of us have better weather than Denmark. And yet we rank 24th. I guess that money, power, and weather, while 
important, can only take us so far. Maybe we can learn something from the Danes.
In A Little Book to Save Humanity, I wrote about the ripple effect that one act of kindness can have. Whenever we treat someone with kindness, with understanding, and with grace, that person is very likely to “pass it on” to people they encounter later. And then those people pass it on to the people they meet. The next thing you know, lots of people have had a moment of connection. Such group connectedness knits us together, helping us work together and get along. It helps 
keep us from sliding into destructive conflicts.
Let’s Make More Ripples: One way to get more ripples is to develop systematic ways to teach people the skills needed to create genuine human connections, as Denmark has done. Thirty years of scientific research has shown that these skills are the 16 components of Emotional Intelligence (EQ). Science has also shown that people can learn these skills as well as they can learn language, math, science, and history.
Potential Benefits: To start, America might score higher on the Happiness Index. But wait! There’s more!
- Building stronger relationships will help Americans become less susceptible to conflict entrepreneurs, those politicians and media moguls who sow conflict among groups for their own selfish reasons.
- We’d have less rage and hate, including in our social media.
- In place of hate and division, we would have more collaboration, as we work to solve the complex problems that modern societies have to confront.
The need for relationships is hardwired in all of us. When we lived in caves, which we did for the vast majority of human history, people had to form groups in order to survive. No one could go it alone. In fact, if you did something really bad, and were banished, it was a death sentence. People need people. Relationships give us energy. People who feel connected to other people tend to invest in helping both themselves and others. People who know how to connect know how to make families that stay together with love. People who know how to connect have fewer moments of rage. Societies become more stable.
One Place to Start: All societies train their children in the skills believed to be needed for a good life, to be responsible and constructive citizens. In modern times that includes EQ skills.
Denmark has done a lot of the spade work. They’ve been “experimenting” with teaching children EQ for 33 years. We could study their methods and adapt them to suit our own culture.
But we may not be as far behind Denmark as it first appears. Surprisingly, even to me, public schools have begun paying more attention to what schools call social-emotional learning (SEL). In fact, 83% of school principals report that their schools used some form of SEL in the 2023-2024 school year, up from 76% in the 2021-2022 school year. Most principals and teachers are strong supporters of SEL. More of them are likely to get onboard as they themselves get the opportunity to build their own emotional skills. Remember, they didn’t get the chance when they were growing up.
Unfortunately, SEL has gotten caught up in political cross-fire. Conflict entrepreneurs, recognizing that higher EQ skills make people less susceptible to their influence, have launched a few noisy attacks on SEL, misrepresenting what SEL is about and its positive impact.
The good news is that, for the most part, school personnel, parents, and students themselves, see the value that SEL and EQ skill training can provide. Science has proven that EQ skills contribute to on-the-job success in adults. People with strong EQ skills are simply better at bringing
out the best in themselves and in those with whom they work. It doesn’t seem much of a stretch to believe that as students develop their EQ skills they will become more successful in their studies.
And consider this: Our children need all the emotional skills they can get to cope with social media. We didn’t grow up in the world our children face.
Action Steps: SEL and EQ training are evolving fields. We can all get better at helping our children (and each other) learn these skills and make more ripples. Here are some things we each might consider doing:
- Learn more about how schools can best teach SEL/EQ.
- Learn more about how school systems in our own communities approach building emotional skills alongside traditional academics.
- Support teachers emotionally for taking on a difficult job. They need our support for lots of reasons
We can all agree that we want school systems to help our children become successful, even if we have different ideas about how best to
make that happen. As a former child psychologist, I have seen first hand the damage done when children don’t have the chance to learn EQ skills. As someone who now works with leaders in the workplace, I know how essential EQ skills are for success. I look forward to the day when I ask, “How many of you took empathy in school?” and see all hands go up.
